Brace yourself for the coming year

I guess everyone of us tend to get a little emotion when it comes to the end of the year.
I would be sitting here till 2009 steals 2008 away in a couple of hours. Alone, I hope.
At this state of mind, I really dislike that my dad comes in and tell me things that I can't manage to decipher.
All I really want is not cheers, smses, phone calls. I don't need any other sound in my world. All I want is a peace of mind.

" 回头是梦，仍似被动 "- 张学友《李香兰》.

There are million over thoughts and emotions fleeting through my mind and heart every other minute.
Till the year of 08, I really feel tired.

There are things I have to face up and I can't pretend anymore. When all of you see me smiling and laughing my head off, do you really think you know me?

I decided to be honest. I would not hide things but I would not explain them. If you ask me, I would tell you if I can put it to words. I would not want to pretend to be happy anymore to make you happy.
The less I pretend, the more upset I caused. I'm afraid of this but I do not want to pretend all the time.

So many things I would wanna put behind. So many things I would wanna start anew. So many things I would wanna end it.. So many things that made lost in thought.

I received quite a few of 'Happy New Year' usual greetings back. Thank you for those but only one of which makes me think.
John, again.
I guess only John is capable of inspiring me with sometimes simple, sometimes complex words.
I think he is an angel but John doesn't want any praises.

Anyway he asks me to set plans for the new year and achieve them. Not resolutions. Plans.
Maybe it is meant the same but to me,I thought differently. Plans sound simple and achievable.

Coming to a new year, some people would feel inspired to come out with a list of resolutions. Soon it just becomes a yearly routine and more often than not, it gets defeated by the routine of time.

I am not confident at all to achieve whatever plans that I would write down but with all these jaded emotions running through my life, I badly wanted a change for my quarter life.(As if I am entitled a hundred.)
Freaking 25 years old I would be. I don't want to live through all those ...whatchamacallit all over again.

Courage would be the main catalyst I need. To do anything. To be true-ful to myself. Even if that hurts others, it would be for everyone's good...I hope.

Accept changes.
Accept that I've changed. Too fast, too painful.
I am not sure of what I want now and/or what I would do. But I guess it may just takes me a lifetime to figure up.

This is not a cheerful and very incoherent post.
Don't worry, I am not losing my smile yet.
I just need the courage to make it real and make it stay.

Happy New Year.
I wish you all a good year ahead.